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英语搞笑段子(3)

新浪
2020-12-26 16:40:17

AguestinformationbookletinaThailandhotelbedroomgivessomeveryhonestadvice:“IfyouarethinkingofhiringacarpleasedrivecarefullyasallThaidrivershaveadeathwish。”

英语搞笑段子

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Whenthey’retogether,myfive-year-oldsonandhiscousintendtocausemayhem.oneSaturday,Iputmyfootdown.“Allright,youtwo,”Isaidsternly.“Noscreaming,grabbing,whining,hitting,teasing,tattling,breakingtoys,scratchingorfighting.”

AsIturnedtoleave,Iheardmysonsay,“C’mon,Steven,let’sgetdirty.”

我五岁的儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候,总要招来大乱。一个星期六,我开始抗议了。“好啦,你们两个,”我严厉地说,“不许叫喊,不许乱拿,不许哭闹,不许乱敲,不许取笑,不许扯淡,不许弄坏玩具,不许乱抓,不许打架。”我刚转身要走,就听我儿子说:“来,斯蒂文,我们来把自己弄脏吧。”

WhatabigdealAyoungbusinessmanhadjuststartedhisbusiness,andrentedabeautifuloffice.Sittingthere,hesawamancomeintotheouteroffice.Wishingtoappearbusy,thebusinessmanpickedupthephoneandpretendedthathehadabigdealworking.Hethrewhugefiguresaroundandmadegiantcommitments.Finally,hehungupandaskedthevisitor.“CanIhelpyou?”Themansaid,“Sure.I’vecometoinstallthephone.”

我是来装电话的一个年轻人刚刚开始做生意,就租了一个漂亮的办公室。一天,他坐在办公室里,看到有一个人在外面,于是他就装作生意很忙的样子,拿起电话胡吹乱侃,还不停的甩出几个大数字,好像在谈一笔大买卖。到了最后,他终于挂了电话,问来访的人,“有事儿嘛?”那个人回答,“我是来给你安装电话的。”

Mikewaslateforschool.Hesaidtohisteacher,Mr.Black,“Excusemeformycominglate,sir.Iwatchedafootballmatchinmydream.”

“Whydiditmakeyoulate?”inquiredtheteacher.

“Becauseneitherteamcouldwinthegame,soitlastedalongtime.”repliedMike.

麦克上学迟到了。他对布莱克老师说:“对不起,老师,今天早上我迟到了。因为我在梦里观看了一场球赛。”

“为什么它会让你迟到呢?”老师问道。

“因为这两个队都没有能力获胜,所以就持续的时间长了。”麦克回答说。

BigHead

“Allthekidsmakefunofme”theboycriedtohismother.“TheysayIhaveabighead”

“Don’tlistentothem.”hismothercomfortedhim.“Youhaveabeautifulhead.Nowstopcryingandgotothestorefortenpoundsofpotatoes”

“Where’stheshoppingbag?”

“Ihaven’tgotone,useyourhat.”

大脑袋

“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑,”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说:“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”

“别听他们的,”他妈妈安慰说:“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了,别哭了,去商店买10磅土豆来。”

“购物袋在哪?”

“我没有购物袋,就用你的帽子吧。”

GoodBoy

LittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents.“WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday?”

“Igaveittoapooroldwoman,”heanswered.

“You’reagoodboy,”saidthemotherproudly.“Herearetwocentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman?”

“Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy.”

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Whereisthefather?

Twobrotherswerelookingatsomebeautifulpaintings.

“Look,”saidtheelderbrother.“Hownicethesepaintingsare!”

“Yes,”saidtheyounger,“butinallthesepaintingsthereisonlythemotherandthechildren.Whereisthefather?”

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