AguestinformationbookletinaThailandhotelbedroomgivessomeveryhonestadvice:“IfyouarethinkingofhiringacarpleasedrivecarefullyasallThaidrivershaveadeathwish。”
英语搞笑段子
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Whenthey’retogether,myfive-year-oldsonandhiscousintendtocausemayhem.oneSaturday,Iputmyfootdown.“Allright,youtwo,”Isaidsternly.“Noscreaming,grabbing,whining,hitting,teasing,tattling,breakingtoys,scratchingorfighting.”
AsIturnedtoleave,Iheardmysonsay,“C’mon,Steven,let’sgetdirty.”
我五岁的儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候,总要招来大乱。一个星期六,我开始抗议了。“好啦,你们两个,”我严厉地说,“不许叫喊,不许乱拿,不许哭闹,不许乱敲,不许取笑,不许扯淡,不许弄坏玩具,不许乱抓,不许打架。”我刚转身要走,就听我儿子说:“来,斯蒂文,我们来把自己弄脏吧。”
WhatabigdealAyoungbusinessmanhadjuststartedhisbusiness,andrentedabeautifuloffice.Sittingthere,hesawamancomeintotheouteroffice.Wishingtoappearbusy,thebusinessmanpickedupthephoneandpretendedthathehadabigdealworking.Hethrewhugefiguresaroundandmadegiantcommitments.Finally,hehungupandaskedthevisitor.“CanIhelpyou?”Themansaid,“Sure.I’vecometoinstallthephone.”
我是来装电话的一个年轻人刚刚开始做生意,就租了一个漂亮的办公室。一天,他坐在办公室里,看到有一个人在外面,于是他就装作生意很忙的样子,拿起电话胡吹乱侃,还不停的甩出几个大数字,好像在谈一笔大买卖。到了最后,他终于挂了电话,问来访的人,“有事儿嘛?”那个人回答,“我是来给你安装电话的。”
Mikewaslateforschool.Hesaidtohisteacher,Mr.Black,“Excusemeformycominglate,sir.Iwatchedafootballmatchinmydream.”
“Whydiditmakeyoulate?”inquiredtheteacher.
“Becauseneitherteamcouldwinthegame,soitlastedalongtime.”repliedMike.
麦克上学迟到了。他对布莱克老师说:“对不起,老师,今天早上我迟到了。因为我在梦里观看了一场球赛。”
“为什么它会让你迟到呢?”老师问道。
“因为这两个队都没有能力获胜,所以就持续的时间长了。”麦克回答说。
BigHead
“Allthekidsmakefunofme”theboycriedtohismother.“TheysayIhaveabighead”
“Don’tlistentothem.”hismothercomfortedhim.“Youhaveabeautifulhead.Nowstopcryingandgotothestorefortenpoundsofpotatoes”
“Where’stheshoppingbag?”
“Ihaven’tgotone,useyourhat.”
大脑袋
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑,”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说:“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”
“别听他们的,”他妈妈安慰说:“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了,别哭了,去商店买10磅土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪?”
“我没有购物袋,就用你的帽子吧。”
GoodBoy
LittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents.“WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday?”
“Igaveittoapooroldwoman,”heanswered.
“You’reagoodboy,”saidthemotherproudly.“Herearetwocentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman?”
“Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Whereisthefather?
Twobrotherswerelookingatsomebeautifulpaintings.
“Look,”saidtheelderbrother.“Hownicethesepaintingsare!”
“Yes,”saidtheyounger,“butinallthesepaintingsthereisonlythemotherandthechildren.Whereisthefather?”